Humans

"I don't want to have to do this living. I just walk around. I want to be swept off my feet, you know? I want my children to have magical powers. I am prepared for amazing things to happen. I can handle it."

I can too. I'm feel like I am finally starting to get out of my slump. Things have been looking up, I have been smiling a lot again. Being in complete seclusion the past few days has been the most beneficial thing I could have asked for.

Have you ever been in a room full of people, whether it be friends or strangers, and just felt so completely alone amongst them? It's a devastating feeling really, but it happens to the best of us. I remember this is how I felt every single day of high school. I would spend my time with people who had I known since kindergarten, people who I thought I knew. It's odd to look back and think about how much time I spent with those people, only to realize that I didn't really know them at all. Sometimes I wonder what's the point in forming close relationships with people anymore, no one is ever really going to know anybody. No matter how hard you try and no matter how much you dig, you'll never really know anybody else the way you want to. I don't know, maybe it's just my pessimism kicking in. Then I remember the feeling I get in the pit of my belly when I realize that those certain people I have in my life understand me better than I know myself sometimes and I am reminded of the connections I have with others and how nice it is to have someone who just gets you in one way or another.

"Seperate the ones who know you from the ones who couldn't bother to see you for all that there are."

I guess I'm just still trying to repair my relationships with people and fix all the wrongs of the past 6 months of my life. I have a problem where I put everyone else's happiness before mine, and that I don't know how to just be completely selfish sometimes. That sounds like an odd flaw, some might even consider it a good thing...but doing that has fucked me up more so than anything else I can think of right now.

Goal: Dorothy needs to learn how to put herself first and to stop smiling and doing things for people other than herself.

When it comes down to it, I'm just tired of people taking advantage of my "niceness" and thinking it's okay to say and do fucked up shit to me because they know in the back of their heads, I'll eventually "understand and forgive." Fuck em all right?

"I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when"
"I don't really know what kind of girl I am..."