Mirror/Mask

As each day goes by, I see more and more the mask that people put on and the characters they try to emulate. A modern day Jack Kerouac. A real life Holden Caulfield. A live action Max Fischer. Your imitations aren't who you are. This isn't a movie, it's not a book that'll leave you stone faced in the final chapter. This is life and it's really fucking happening and in the end, you can't hide from who and what you really are. It makes me wonder, what's real in people and what's just a facade? Maybe I'll never know. Maybe that's just people for ya.

look back with no remorse

In a dream I was a werewolf
My soul was filled with crystal light
Lavender ribbons of rain sang
Ridding my heart of mortal fight

Humans

"I don't want to have to do this living. I just walk around. I want to be swept off my feet, you know? I want my children to have magical powers. I am prepared for amazing things to happen. I can handle it."

I can too. I'm feel like I am finally starting to get out of my slump. Things have been looking up, I have been smiling a lot again. Being in complete seclusion the past few days has been the most beneficial thing I could have asked for.

Have you ever been in a room full of people, whether it be friends or strangers, and just felt so completely alone amongst them? It's a devastating feeling really, but it happens to the best of us. I remember this is how I felt every single day of high school. I would spend my time with people who had I known since kindergarten, people who I thought I knew. It's odd to look back and think about how much time I spent with those people, only to realize that I didn't really know them at all. Sometimes I wonder what's the point in forming close relationships with people anymore, no one is ever really going to know anybody. No matter how hard you try and no matter how much you dig, you'll never really know anybody else the way you want to. I don't know, maybe it's just my pessimism kicking in. Then I remember the feeling I get in the pit of my belly when I realize that those certain people I have in my life understand me better than I know myself sometimes and I am reminded of the connections I have with others and how nice it is to have someone who just gets you in one way or another.

"Seperate the ones who know you from the ones who couldn't bother to see you for all that there are."

I guess I'm just still trying to repair my relationships with people and fix all the wrongs of the past 6 months of my life. I have a problem where I put everyone else's happiness before mine, and that I don't know how to just be completely selfish sometimes. That sounds like an odd flaw, some might even consider it a good thing...but doing that has fucked me up more so than anything else I can think of right now.

Goal: Dorothy needs to learn how to put herself first and to stop smiling and doing things for people other than herself.

When it comes down to it, I'm just tired of people taking advantage of my "niceness" and thinking it's okay to say and do fucked up shit to me because they know in the back of their heads, I'll eventually "understand and forgive." Fuck em all right?

"I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when"
"I don't really know what kind of girl I am..."

Siq Beatz

Tagged. 7 songs I've been into recently. Honestly, this was hard considering
a ) I've been really bored of all my music recently (so these are all old songs)
b ) I hate playing favorites.
Thank god for itunes' most recently played count, huh? Anyways, here you go in no particular order:

CocoRosie - Werewolf



Before this past week, this song had only been played twice on my itunes. I don't know where I was before it now. Off The Adventures of Ghosthorse & Stillborn, I usually would skip a few tracks so I could listen to 'Animals' on the album; I guess that won't be happening again. Beautiful voices & haunting melodies, this song tugs on my heart strings whenever I listen to it now.

Enon - Mr. Ratatatat



I was originally looking for a video for 'Law of Johnny Dolittle' when searching for this band, but this song will do too. Really, all I want is to be that girl. C'mon now!

Goddamn Electric Bill - Lost In The Zoo



Introduced to me by Caitlin a few months back; I still haven't been able to stop listening to it. Probably one of the prettiest songs I've heard in a long time, with a siq music video to boot! Listen to this one, you won't regret it.

MGMT - Kids



I don't know what this music video is cause those two are definitely not the members of MGMT, but it's entertaining anyways. This song is fun to dance to! fun to walk to! fun to do just about anything to. Fuck Vampire Weekend.

T.Rex - Mambo Sun



Forever a favorite. "With my hat in my hand, I'm a hungry man for you. I got stars in my beard, and I feel real weird for you. Beneath the bebop moon, I'm howling like a loon for you, beneath the mambo sun, I've got to be the one for you." Sing it, baby.

Panda Bear - Bros



I don't think I have to say much about this one. Amazing song & Panda Bear is my boo, 'nuff said. Marry me Noah Lennox, let's make love & music.

Jens Lekman - Black Cab



Originally heard in Dan's car on the day we went to his beach house. He played this track over and over and over again. Next thing I knew, I couldn't get that intro out of my head and it's been playin' over and over and over again on my itunes ever since.

Summer jamz? Hardly. These are mostly just songs I've been listening to on repeat for awhile now. I can't find any new music that interests me, help? ...is there anybody out there? ...hello?

but your heart, I didn't break it, no
it was taken from you years ago
and the hole those older men pulled it through
it's still aching
let's be patient, you'll pull through
pull through
pull through
pull through
won't you?

Cheers To You, Jarvis

Don't bother saying you're sorry
Why don't you come in?
Smoke all my cigarettes again
Every time I get no further
How long has it been?
Come on in now, wipe your feet on my dreams
You take up my time, like some cheap magazine
When I could have been learning something
Oh well, you know what I mean
I've done this before, and I will do it again
Come on and kill me baby
While you smile like a friend
Oh and I'll come running, just to do it again

You are the last drink I never should have drunk
You are the body hidden in the trunk
You are the habit I can't seem to kick
You are my secrets on the front page every week
You are the car I never should have bought
You are the dream I never should have caught
You are the cut that makes me hide my face
You are the party that makes me feel my age
Like a car crash I can see but I just can't avoid
Like a plane I've been told I never should board
Like a film that's so bad but I've got to stay till the end
Let me tell you now: it's lucky for you that we're friends.