Les Cieux Bleus

I think I've discovered a new love for cloud-watching.

I decided to go up to New York last weekend because as per usual, the valley was driving me insane. When I went to go see my new therapist last week, he had to stop me for a minute because he said that my brain was going a mile a minute and that I needed to "slow down." I've never been able to slow down. It is nearly impossible for me to just sit and pick at each individual thought that swims around in my brain. Everything overlaps, everything passes each other, I just. can't. stop. thinking. I've determined that this is why I've become a certified insomniac over the past 4 years, because my mind wont just shut up and let me be. Every morning I wake up and instantly start thinking about my problems, the things I have to get done, what to do in the long run, the past, etc etc. I can almost feel each little thought zooming by like streaks of light inside my brain.

On the way up to New York though, I remember sitting in the car with my roomates and experiencing this one moment of clarity that I will probably never forget. I had the side of my head pressed up against the glass of the window and my eyes pointed up at the sky. I watched each cloud go by, change shape, join, separate, etc. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah's self-titled album was blasting from Isaac's ipod into the car's stereo system. I pulled down the window, put my hand outside of it, and just felt the wind dance between my fingers. As I mentioned in a previous post, I always feel like I'm in a movie when I see people do that. The minute my hands were no longer confined inside the car, I had no control over it anymore. The wind took it for all it had and I don't think I had ever felt so loose and relaxed in my entire life. I rested my head on the base of the window and closed my eyes and for once, I just felt so...clear. Like everything plaguing my mind finally just stopped and I didn't have to think for a minute, I could simply just feel. I could finally shut the fuck up and be in the moment and soak it in for all it was worth. I don't know if I'll get that feeling again for awhile, but here's to hoping...cause honestly, I'm back to square one.