The Earth Says Hello

Been a long time huh? I told you I'd come back when I was ready.

Truth: It is probably one of the most frightening, exciting, and unreal feelings to think that in about 3 months I will be spending a quarter of my year in Italy studying photography. Some may argue it is unreasonable for me to go, but honestly, I NEED to go. I NEED to be somewhere where I am inspired, where I am challenged. I just feel so stuck here in Amherst. The way I felt stuck back when I was 17 and on the brink of graduating high school. Only this time I don't have that bright new future to really look forward to, till now at least.

I am doing okay though. I think back at my mental state just a few short months ago and I don't know how I even made it out fine. I was such a mess; I feel like my mind broke in that period of time. I think it just proves that in the end, I will be okay. I am strong, I can do this.

A certain someone from my past contacted me recently. I don't know how to handle this. The feelings aren't there anymore, but I can't help but feel the slightest tingle of excitement and curiosity as to how its going to be when I see him. I realized he is the only person I know now who has no idea what has gone on in my life since high school. I hope he is doing well, I guess I can find out for myself soon enough. I still remember the smile on his face when I would make him laugh back when I was only 16.

Blah

Y'know, it's strange.

I don't think I've ever had my life so together. I am incredibly focused in school right now, I have a steady job, and I am on my way to going abroad to Italy in just a few months. I did everything I wanted to do this summer and yet... I don't think that I've felt this alone in a really long time. It seems like nothing ever does it for me anymore. I feel like I have nothing, nobody I can really trust, nobody I really care for at all. There is never any consistency in my life & I always just feel so stuck. I went to go see my therapist today and he told me that he was very proud of me and that I really have grown up and matured since he first met me. Although that was good to hear, I had to ask him, "...then why do I still feel so empty and sad inside?" I guess you can't have everything.

With that said, old habits always seem to have a way of creeping up on me again.

Today...

Today was going along fine. I woke up in a good mood, didn't fall asleep at my job, and got a lot of work done. I was hoping it would be a good day, that's all I've been wanting.

Then I came home and saw something I shouldn't have looked at on the internet and the deep sinking feeling in my chest started to happen and that's when the panic kicked in. After pacing around my room frantically, taking a hot shower, and 2 klonopins later, I thought I'd be fine. Then I laid down in my bed and decided to write for the first time in a really long time. Not in here, but in my own personal written journal. I thought getting everything out would be good, then all of a sudden I couldn't control it anymore and the next thing I knew my pillow was stained with tears and I couldn't move my body. I've been doing so well, why couldn't I have just stayed this way?

I noticed recently that when I start to open up about my feelings and my life, I can't look at the person I am talking to in the eyes. As I was crying and spilling my guts out in therapy once, my therapist stopped and asked me "why are you hiding from me?" Maybe it's because I don't want people seeing me like that. Maybe it's because I don't feel justified in feeling the way that I do. Sad, broken, lost, pathetic. Poor little girl right? Her life is so hard. The sarcasm loaded in that fragment notes how I don't feel entitled to feel the way I feel about anything. If I'm sad, I don't feel it's right to simply just feel that way, I have to fix it. All these little problems I always feel like I have to "fix" when really, I just need to calm the fuck down. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.

It's so hard for me to word out how I feel about anything and anybody anymore. But I guess feeling that heavy feeling in my heart and shedding those tears showed me that at least I'm not broken.

It's Come To This

I don't have much to say anymore, for now at least. I'll let you know when I do.

"The will to blog is a complicated thing, somewhere between inspiration and compulsion. It can feel almost like a biological impulse. You see something, or an idea occurs to you, and you have to share it with the Internet as soon as possible. What I didn’t realize was that those ideas and that urgency — and the sense of self-importance that made me think anyone would be interested in hearing what went on in my head — could just disappear."

Couldn't have said it better myself. I'll be back when the time comes.

Long Time No Write.

I'm sorry blog for having ignored you for almost a month. It seems I'm no good with words anymore, at least for now. It's okay, some things are better left unsaid (or in this case, unwritten). It seems that whenever I am feeling "okay," the less I have to say. The past 3 weeks have been coming in waves and sometimes, I feel so lost that I don't even know where I began.

However, also in the past 3 weeks I have discovered what it's like to finally do things completely and solely for myself, whutta feeling. I'm so tired of putting everybody before me and always making sure everybody else is happy even if I'm not. Also, I met a girl who has solely made me regain faith that there are good people out there. She left this morning, I miss her terribly. But I will possibly be moving in with her in manhatten in about 2 weeks. The valley is starting to drive me insane again.

Oh, and I got a tattoo. It took 3 hours, but I am happy with it. I can feel a fresh start in the stars for me. I hope I didn't just jinx myself.

But anyways, sometimes pictures say more than words so here is a collection of photographs of my life since the last time I updated.










There are more where that came from, but unfortunately I have to go catch my favorite form of public transportation, the wonderful world of umass transit, to go into town and get some work done. I promise it won't be another month before I update again. Au Revoir.

Mirror/Mask

As each day goes by, I see more and more the mask that people put on and the characters they try to emulate. A modern day Jack Kerouac. A real life Holden Caulfield. A live action Max Fischer. Your imitations aren't who you are. This isn't a movie, it's not a book that'll leave you stone faced in the final chapter. This is life and it's really fucking happening and in the end, you can't hide from who and what you really are. It makes me wonder, what's real in people and what's just a facade? Maybe I'll never know. Maybe that's just people for ya.

look back with no remorse

In a dream I was a werewolf
My soul was filled with crystal light
Lavender ribbons of rain sang
Ridding my heart of mortal fight

Humans

"I don't want to have to do this living. I just walk around. I want to be swept off my feet, you know? I want my children to have magical powers. I am prepared for amazing things to happen. I can handle it."

I can too. I'm feel like I am finally starting to get out of my slump. Things have been looking up, I have been smiling a lot again. Being in complete seclusion the past few days has been the most beneficial thing I could have asked for.

Have you ever been in a room full of people, whether it be friends or strangers, and just felt so completely alone amongst them? It's a devastating feeling really, but it happens to the best of us. I remember this is how I felt every single day of high school. I would spend my time with people who had I known since kindergarten, people who I thought I knew. It's odd to look back and think about how much time I spent with those people, only to realize that I didn't really know them at all. Sometimes I wonder what's the point in forming close relationships with people anymore, no one is ever really going to know anybody. No matter how hard you try and no matter how much you dig, you'll never really know anybody else the way you want to. I don't know, maybe it's just my pessimism kicking in. Then I remember the feeling I get in the pit of my belly when I realize that those certain people I have in my life understand me better than I know myself sometimes and I am reminded of the connections I have with others and how nice it is to have someone who just gets you in one way or another.

"Seperate the ones who know you from the ones who couldn't bother to see you for all that there are."

I guess I'm just still trying to repair my relationships with people and fix all the wrongs of the past 6 months of my life. I have a problem where I put everyone else's happiness before mine, and that I don't know how to just be completely selfish sometimes. That sounds like an odd flaw, some might even consider it a good thing...but doing that has fucked me up more so than anything else I can think of right now.

Goal: Dorothy needs to learn how to put herself first and to stop smiling and doing things for people other than herself.

When it comes down to it, I'm just tired of people taking advantage of my "niceness" and thinking it's okay to say and do fucked up shit to me because they know in the back of their heads, I'll eventually "understand and forgive." Fuck em all right?

"I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when"
"I don't really know what kind of girl I am..."

Siq Beatz

Tagged. 7 songs I've been into recently. Honestly, this was hard considering
a ) I've been really bored of all my music recently (so these are all old songs)
b ) I hate playing favorites.
Thank god for itunes' most recently played count, huh? Anyways, here you go in no particular order:

CocoRosie - Werewolf



Before this past week, this song had only been played twice on my itunes. I don't know where I was before it now. Off The Adventures of Ghosthorse & Stillborn, I usually would skip a few tracks so I could listen to 'Animals' on the album; I guess that won't be happening again. Beautiful voices & haunting melodies, this song tugs on my heart strings whenever I listen to it now.

Enon - Mr. Ratatatat



I was originally looking for a video for 'Law of Johnny Dolittle' when searching for this band, but this song will do too. Really, all I want is to be that girl. C'mon now!

Goddamn Electric Bill - Lost In The Zoo



Introduced to me by Caitlin a few months back; I still haven't been able to stop listening to it. Probably one of the prettiest songs I've heard in a long time, with a siq music video to boot! Listen to this one, you won't regret it.

MGMT - Kids



I don't know what this music video is cause those two are definitely not the members of MGMT, but it's entertaining anyways. This song is fun to dance to! fun to walk to! fun to do just about anything to. Fuck Vampire Weekend.

T.Rex - Mambo Sun



Forever a favorite. "With my hat in my hand, I'm a hungry man for you. I got stars in my beard, and I feel real weird for you. Beneath the bebop moon, I'm howling like a loon for you, beneath the mambo sun, I've got to be the one for you." Sing it, baby.

Panda Bear - Bros



I don't think I have to say much about this one. Amazing song & Panda Bear is my boo, 'nuff said. Marry me Noah Lennox, let's make love & music.

Jens Lekman - Black Cab



Originally heard in Dan's car on the day we went to his beach house. He played this track over and over and over again. Next thing I knew, I couldn't get that intro out of my head and it's been playin' over and over and over again on my itunes ever since.

Summer jamz? Hardly. These are mostly just songs I've been listening to on repeat for awhile now. I can't find any new music that interests me, help? ...is there anybody out there? ...hello?

but your heart, I didn't break it, no
it was taken from you years ago
and the hole those older men pulled it through
it's still aching
let's be patient, you'll pull through
pull through
pull through
pull through
won't you?

Cheers To You, Jarvis

Don't bother saying you're sorry
Why don't you come in?
Smoke all my cigarettes again
Every time I get no further
How long has it been?
Come on in now, wipe your feet on my dreams
You take up my time, like some cheap magazine
When I could have been learning something
Oh well, you know what I mean
I've done this before, and I will do it again
Come on and kill me baby
While you smile like a friend
Oh and I'll come running, just to do it again

You are the last drink I never should have drunk
You are the body hidden in the trunk
You are the habit I can't seem to kick
You are my secrets on the front page every week
You are the car I never should have bought
You are the dream I never should have caught
You are the cut that makes me hide my face
You are the party that makes me feel my age
Like a car crash I can see but I just can't avoid
Like a plane I've been told I never should board
Like a film that's so bad but I've got to stay till the end
Let me tell you now: it's lucky for you that we're friends.

Les Cieux Bleus

I think I've discovered a new love for cloud-watching.

I decided to go up to New York last weekend because as per usual, the valley was driving me insane. When I went to go see my new therapist last week, he had to stop me for a minute because he said that my brain was going a mile a minute and that I needed to "slow down." I've never been able to slow down. It is nearly impossible for me to just sit and pick at each individual thought that swims around in my brain. Everything overlaps, everything passes each other, I just. can't. stop. thinking. I've determined that this is why I've become a certified insomniac over the past 4 years, because my mind wont just shut up and let me be. Every morning I wake up and instantly start thinking about my problems, the things I have to get done, what to do in the long run, the past, etc etc. I can almost feel each little thought zooming by like streaks of light inside my brain.

On the way up to New York though, I remember sitting in the car with my roomates and experiencing this one moment of clarity that I will probably never forget. I had the side of my head pressed up against the glass of the window and my eyes pointed up at the sky. I watched each cloud go by, change shape, join, separate, etc. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah's self-titled album was blasting from Isaac's ipod into the car's stereo system. I pulled down the window, put my hand outside of it, and just felt the wind dance between my fingers. As I mentioned in a previous post, I always feel like I'm in a movie when I see people do that. The minute my hands were no longer confined inside the car, I had no control over it anymore. The wind took it for all it had and I don't think I had ever felt so loose and relaxed in my entire life. I rested my head on the base of the window and closed my eyes and for once, I just felt so...clear. Like everything plaguing my mind finally just stopped and I didn't have to think for a minute, I could simply just feel. I could finally shut the fuck up and be in the moment and soak it in for all it was worth. I don't know if I'll get that feeling again for awhile, but here's to hoping...cause honestly, I'm back to square one.

Write What You Know

"And if real life was like the movies, I should have lived happily ever after."

The other night, I was driving back from Shutesbury from a dinner party with two friends. As I sat in the back seat of the car, I watched the two girls in front of me and tried to absorb the scene in as much as I could. The windows were pulled down and the summer breeze flew through the cracks of the glass. I turned my head and glanced over at one of the girls as she sang along and laughed, putting her hands outside the window to feel the push and pull of the cold air on her fingertips. The car was going so fast that all I could see when I looked outside were quick flashes of green as we drove away from the woods, back to what we knew as home. The sound of the wind blew out the thoughts in my brain as the strands of my hair danced to the music blaring out of the car speakers. The music was so loud, I couldn't think. All I could do was just sit back, put my lips to the tip of my clove, and inhale as I closed my eyes and put my head to the back of the seat. As I finally opened my eyes and licked the taste of cinnamon off my lips, I regained my reflections and thought to myself, "this is my movie."

I can't help but go through my days seeing every interaction I have as a scene out of a film. Sometimes things seem so surreal that when I take myself out of the situation and look in on it, I can't believe that this is my life. When I look in the mirror, similar thoughts begin to race in my head. Every time I examine my cold pale skin, almond colored eyes, and chubby lips, I feel like I'm looking at somebody else. It's as if I'm just a character, a character in my own movie and I'm not actually real.

I wouldn't really consider myself a cinephile, but I do know that one of my main escapes is film. Just being able to take myself out of my own life for a good 2 hours or so and to just shut the fuck up and listen to someone else talk for awhile. To listen to their thoughts, to experience their problems, to feel their happiness or sadness. I don't know what it is, but there's just something about watching a good film that makes me feel at ease. Maybe that's why whenever I experience those moments in my life where I feel like I'm in a movie, I hope to myself that maybe I'll get a happy ending too.

Let's go everywhere, even though we're scared. Cause it's life and it's happening, it's really really happening... right now.

The more one talks, the less the words mean.

Sometimes I get this feeling where it seems like everything in my life is black and white. I am in constant struggle between using my head and my heart and even though I know which one is right, I don't know how to go about making the "reasonable" and "smart" decision. Days have seemed longer recently, but I've been okay. There's just that lingering feeling of the color blue permeating somewhere in the caverns of my mind. I don't know, maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

I applied for a second job writing film reviews for an indepedent movie company's blog. This was probably a bad idea considering writer's block is starting to take hold of me again.

I'll return to myself again. But till then, I suppose lyrics will have to do for now.

I’ve been sleeping so strange at night
Side effects they don’t advertise
I’ve been sleeping so strange
With a head full of pesticide
I got no plans and too much time
I feel too restless to unwind
I’m always lost in thought
As I walk a block to my favourite neon sign
Where the waitress looks concerned
But she never says a word
Just turns the jukebox on
And we hum along
And I smile back at her

I look forward to the few hours I have in my day where I can lay in bed, put on my headphones, and have my thoughts blared out of my head. Cause I know that somewhere out there, someone else is doing the exact same thing to escape.

Now how I remember you
How I would push my fingers through
Your mouth to make those muscles move
That made your voice so smooth and sweet
And now we keep where we don't know
All secrets sleep in winter clothes
With one you loved so long ago
Now he don't even know his name

This song does it to me every time.

it's devastating to reach that point where you want certain memories erased from your mind and specific emotions felt towards another to completely disappear, never again to emerge. what happened to living without regrets? this is truly a new low for me.

First things first.

Bo Diddley, December 30, 1928-June 2, 2008. Sad to see you go (even though he was kinda old).

Going to bed early and waking up just as early is a new thing for me. I haven't been able to sleep past 10 am since I've been back in amherst. Today I was up at 7:30, went to work for 6 hours, rode the bus into town to get lunch, came back to my house and read for awhile, made myself a salad, and here I am! Hurrah! I am no longer a waste of life. I am currently living out the life of a homebody and I am totally okay with that.

To be honest, I don't think I have felt this okay with myself for awhile. I should watch what I say though. Past evidence shows that every single time I say this, the shit will hit the fan soon after.

A Set of 22

Summer in Amherst so far...

You know what my favorite part about flying is? The takeoffs and landings. I love that feeling I get when the air pressure rises and my stomach drops. The thrill of knowing that you're being taken to another place, no matter how far away it is from your original departure destination. Every time the plane begins to speed faster and faster, my eyes can never shift away from the window even when the aircraft starts to shake and the noise around me starts to clog up my ears so badly that I can feel them about to burst.

Every time I fly to or back from LA, the first thing I always look forward to is the view from the top. When I arrive in the late hours of the night, I must say...there is no sight more bright and beautiful to me as the lights of los angeles. This sounds odd considering LA is also thought of as a wasteland of pollution and all around disgust, but that view from the top always makes me reconsider.

As I made my trip back to the east coast today, part of me got upset when I found out my seat on the plane. 25C, an aisle seat. No matter what, I usually always book a window seat so I can get that feeling that I always look forward to when we takeoff. However, I didn't get a choice this time (fuck you STA travel). As the plane conducted its usual routine, I noticed the woman who had the window seat in my row pulled the shade down. I panicked for a moment, knowing this was the last time I was going to be able to experience this for half a year. I didn't know what to do, should I ask her to put it back up? Should I just suck it up and let her go to sleep? Thankfully, she pushed the shade towards the sky at the very last moment and I was able to absorb the sight of the pacific ocean for one last time. Soon after, I felt my body take over and slowly drifted off to slumber.

I am currently back in Amherst and I must say, I am glad to be here again. When the plane started to land, I peaked my head towards the window again and saw endless miles of green. I couldn't help but smile to myself knowing that I was back "home." It's funny when your real life becomes your old life and your new life becomes your real life. I always considered the life I lead here in Amherst my "new life." Now, there is no old or new. As a good friend said to me once, "from now on it's just life and life only."

Still Fighting It

One day while hanging out with a friend, I asked him why he enjoyed my company. I said, "Why do you hang out with me? I'm so young!" He looked me straight in the eye and replied with all sincerity, "I hang out with people mostly under 20 because they all still have dreams. Everyone my age has given up their own."

The other day, a close friend admitted to me "Dorothy, I don't think that we have as much fun as we used to." Even though I didn't want to concur with his confession, I ultimately thought the same. I thought about it for a minute and replied to him, "I think it's because we're not kids anymore..." He questioned me back saying, "what are you talking about? that was all just like a year ago." I said to him, "I know, but I think we've both just grown up in the past few months and I don't know if it'll ever really be like that again."

I hate sounding emo, but I truly and genuinely wonder...am I just doomed to sink farther in farther into an abyss of pessimism and lethargy the older that I grow? When I think about it, the majority of all my friends are about 23 or above. I express to them the terrifying feeling I get when I think about turning 20, to which they all reply: there's nowhere to go but down from here. Thanks guys.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but I honestly never saw myself growing old. Part of me thought I would always be a kid, because I didn't really know how to be anything but. I was always considered much more mature for my age than a lot of my peers, but I knew in my heart that I was just a kid inside. Now though, as true adulthood and independence are coming around the corner for me...I feel I am finally ready to accept it and take on all the responsibilities that I am obligated to.

I remember when my biggest concern was how I was going to get booze for the coming weekend or what I was going to wear the next day. Trivial things that I can't really comprehend how they were a legitimate worry for me. Now, my worries are all about academics, money, and what I'm going to do with my life. These days I have to think about "oh I have to get a job so I can pay my rent so I won't be homeless. I have to work really hard in school because I have to figure my life out so I can find a career and succeed." I admit, part of my depression recently has spawned from me coming to terms with growing up. Some people never really get the overwhelming feeling of fear that I have been plagued with, others know exactly what I am talking about. It sounds so fuckin' ridiculous, fear of turning 20. That's still so young! In fact I still have like 5 more months until I even turn 20 haha. But for me, it's a turning point. I'm at a place in my life right now where I'm finally ready to let go of my adolescence and take on the responsibilities of being an adult. It's a scary thing for me, but I'm man enough to handle it.

I do know one thing though, no matter how much I try to suppress it or fight it...I know that I will always be a kid at heart. As my main man Devendra Banhart once said, "from my womb to my tomb, I guess I'll always be a child." With that, I bid you good night.

Let's Play a Game

Guess that movie! Most of these are pretty easy if you know me.

Answer key:
1 ) Breathless
2 ) Vivre Sa Vie
3 ) Fallen Angels
4 ) Belle Du Jour
5 ) Coffee & Cigarettes
6 ) Me, You, and Everyone We Know
7 ) Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Personal favorites that I pass on to you. Get on that shit!

If You Want To Sing Out... Sing Out!

It is currently 3:54 am pacific standard time and I haven't felt such a rush of intense emotions for awhile. Well, that's partially a lie because for months now I have been really overly emotional about everything and everybody in my life. But while conversing with a friend tonight, I realized so many things about myself that I hadn't before. I would feel it a waste if I didn't at least try to write some of it down. First (of many) subjects (probably separated in different posts): Music.

Everybody knows I love music. It's one of the main topics I can talk about with the majority of people in my life that I feel really passionate about and that I almost always enjoy conversing about. I feel that pretty much everybody I know considers music a large part of their life in one way or another as well. I realized today though that there are very few people who I feel like I can connect with musically who understand exactly how I feel about it. There are different types of music fans in my mind.

1 ) The cool kid (not): one who listens to certain bands purely for the fact that they can say that they do. Rule # 1 - listen to as many obscure bands as possible!
2 ) The technical kid: there are those in my mind who really truly enjoy the technical aspects of music. Theory, chord progressions, etc.
3 ) The listener: those who just genuinely enjoy music for what it is, the way it sounds, the pleasantness (or lack thereof). Whatever floats your boat really!

I know that first generalization sounds pretty pretentious of me, but c'mon...we all know THOSE guys. I feel I do not know enough about the science of music to be the 2nd kid. And as for the 3rd kid, well...that can apply to 1, 2, and beyond. For me though, and this is said without snobbishness or pretentions, I sometimes feel like I'm almost in a relationship with music. There are times where I can't stand to listen to a certain song because it fuels me with so much emotion inside, then other times where I can't wait to get back to my computer so I can hear a certain diddy that makes me smile from ear to ear. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I've come to realize in the past that I have fallen in love so hard with music that it's come to a point where it physically hurts sometimes. To love a song or a band so much that it just hits a certain part of you inside where it begins to make your heart clench.

I have many songs that do that. Whether it's just simply the way a song sounds, or whether it's because the lyrics just so perfectly describe how I'm feeling at that exact moment. I have songs for almost every pivotal experience I have ever gone through. The Moldy Peaches' Nothing Came Out will probably always describe how I felt as an adolescent. Camera Obscura's I Don't Want to See You describes how I always feel at the end of every break up, Mirah's Don't Die In Me describes so fucking perfectly how I feel about this one specific person. So many more from where that came from, but I don't want to figure out my life's mixtape at now 4:19 am.

Anyways, I feel that above else, I am the most passionate about music. Even though I am not a musician by any means, just listening to it puts me in a certain state that nothing else can do. I know I am passionate about other things. Film for example, or writing, or photography, or painting. I am in love with all these things, but I feel music still reigns above everything.

Now that I am nearing 20 and approaching my junior year in college, people keep telling me I need to figure out what I want to do. I can't use the excuse of "oh, i'm young! i still have plenty of time" cause seriously, that shit don't fly no more. I think the reason why I have been so picky about what I want to do as a career is because I haven't found something that I am equally as passionate about as music. And over all else, I refuse to settle. I refuse to work a 9-5 job that I hate where I have to sit in a cubicle and do god knows what for a living. I have always told myself this since I was 14 and I think it's always stuck in the back of my head. I figure that I want to write. I want to write about music, about film, about anything I give two shits about. The only thing I know how to do is art in different forms, that is it. At this point in my life, I'm trying to pave a path for myself where I can a ) figure out what it is exactly that I want to do and b ) succeed.

Growing up is tough. But it's gotta happen sometime. In 2 days, I've got to say goodbye to my childhood/adolescence. I'm becoming such an oldtimer.

We Started Nothing

My camera is fucked up, I don't know what happened. The picture above is obviously not mine, thanks google images.

Anyways, today I had an epic metro adventure and met up with Ryan in Hollywood. It was so funny to see someone from my Massachusetts life in my California life. Sometimes I feel like I lead two different lives, it's weird when the two collide. Anywho, we walked around Hollywood for a little bit, then headed downtown to eat lunch at the Standard. As much as I hate this word, I guess the only way I can describe it is "chic." I rode the train back to H-wood and dropped off Ryan then rode my ass home, which took about an hour. I stopped by Old Town to get (GUESS WHAT)...pinkberry! I haven't been able to get my mind off it for days, good to finally have my craving satisfied.

2 more days and I'm back to Amherst. YO! I'M READY ALREADY, I WANT TO BOUNCE! bah...

Swirly Goodness

Ohhh how I crave a big cup of pinkberry with strawberries, kiwis, and fruity pebbles. I refuse to leave LA before satisfying my craving.

I never knew how incapable I am of just sitting still. This is the first day since being home that I have spent laying around watching TV and sitting in front of my laptop. I've been on facebook an ungodly amount of times in the past few hours and watched some of the most mindless television I have ever encountered. My head hurts from laying here for so long. I would get up, but there's nothing to do.

I went to the social security office today with my mom to get my card replaced. That place is like the 9th circle of hell. It's running a close second to the DMV. Then I had dim sum (yum!) and played piano for over an hour. I wish I had a keyboard back in Amherst!

Tomorrow I am heading over to Hollywood to meet up with Mr. Ryan Dunn. I have a feeling something may go wrong, but here's to trying. Now, back to The Simpsons and Nick Diamonds.

LP3 in arm's way

I find that these days, it's very rare for me to get in to any new music. I feel bad saying it, but I've lost faith in a lot of bands that I used to love because all I hear these days is utter shit. I'm almost scared to listen to new albums of my favorite bands in fear that they will live up to the new trend of sucking that seems to be going on recently. Fortunately for me (and for you!), this isn't the case with Islands' new album Arm's Way & Ratatat's LP3. Out of all the new albums I have heard in the recent past, I can honestly say that they are the best I have heard in a long time. Both give me that feeling in the pit of my stomach that only happens when I hear a song that makes the corners of my lips curl into a smile. Having been obsessed with Return to Sea and Classics at one point or another, LP3 and Arm's Way live up to my expectations and more. They are both so different from the previous albums, but still stay true to the sound that made me fall in love with them in the first place.

Personal favorites off LP3: Falcon Jab, Mirando, Imperials, and Shempi (my #1 favorite)
Personal favorites off Arm's Way: Pieces of You, To A Bond, Creeper, Kids Don't Know Shit, and Vertigo (If It's A Crime). Actually, the whole damn album is great.

Hurrah! Get the leak.